when was the last time you sat down at a party full of drunken 18 and 19 year old boys? they are the most creative, proud, optomistic, and enthusiastic bunch of bastards you’ve even seen in your life. while that might seem like a good thing, in reality it is just plain annoying. in their heads, they are not only the most desireable men on the planet, they are all also aspiring rappers, undiscovered porn stars, possesors of monster-sized cocks, the heir to some undisclosed fortune, future Harvard law graduates, and any other thing they can think of to say that sounds impressive in their pathetic little minds.

sound like I am being a bitch? i’m just callin’ it like I see it! if you guys want to get in the panties of an older chick, you need to learn how to act like you have some damn sense. don’t have any damn sense? that’s okay too. just fake it until you make it.

first of all, seriously, put down the drink. there is a reason the drinking age in the USA is set at 21. liquor loosens your inhibitions. kids that are under 21 already don’t have many inhibitions to start with! lord help us all if they need to get any looser! an underaged drinker is a sweating drooling and blithering idiot. don’t believe me?

don’t believe me? have one of your cheesey sober friends bring a camcorder to your next little binge-drinking shindigs. i promise you that when you watch the footage the next day of you will see very little about yourself that any woman, of any age, would ever find sexually appealing.

“but i can hold my liquor!” do you really think so? it has been my experience that no drunk person ever thinks he is drunk. just this past weekend i had an American idiot in Windsor, Ontario crying to me “i’m not drunk! it is 4:37 in the morning! if i were drunk would i know that it was 4:37 in the morning?” And somehow, that actually made sense to this moron.

next, you are not a funnier/sexier/cooler/smarter/stronger/better-looking/or-anything-positive person when you are drunk. if you think you are that is only because you are too fucked up to recognize you or any of your bad traits anymore. liquor brings out the worst in people so if you were already a dumb ass to start with, guess what? that fifth of Absolut just made you dumber and even more of an ass.

also, don’t even bother trying to spit game to a girl while you are wasted. your breath stinks, you aren’t making any sense, you are standing too close to her, and your slimy paws are all clammy. you know what they say about first impressions, right? well you are etching a memory in stone on this girl’s brain of you looking, walking, and talking like a complete fool.

there are definately some young dumb bitches out there that will fall for your drunken bullshit. you know, the same girls that are out there eatin each others’ pussies and fuckin’ any cock in sight just for the chance to smoke a blunt and sip on somethin with a group of dudes. but ask yourself, is that really the kind of girl that you want to stick your dick in? do you really care that little about the health of your cock to go slammin’ it into some dingy and probably diseased little girl? i would hope not…

but for those of you who do care about the quality of the pussy you associate yourself with, for the love of god, just put down the beer and be yourself! if she doesn’t like you for who you are, then screw that bitch and go find someone who does! there are millions of girls turning 18 everyday!

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