beer.. it is the ultimate equalizer. no matter how ugly, lame, silly, stupid, cheesey, dorky, smelly, annoying, broke, poor, unemployed, short, or sexually inadequite you may be, beer is your one stop shop to becoming someone’s number one fantasy.

now of course i don’t mean for YOU to consume the beer. the idea is to get the object of your affections to be the down to down a whole 6-pack. the end result? complete infatutaion on their part. you know those tee shirts that say “beer, getting people laid since 18-whatever-the-fuck-year?” it is 100% true! ask any black college student the circumstances surrounding the first white chick he ever bagged and he will tell you with great enthusiasm that there was definately a keg involved! (unless of course he is an athlete, in which case the pussy was delivered to his dorm room door in bulk)

so how does this whole beer thing work? well, it is a bit more complicated than just “girl gets drunk. drunk makes her horny. you are nearby. she fucks you.” well, not TERRIBLY more complicated, but just a touch. see, it is all about confidence. the number one way to get laid in this country is by having, showing, or being attracted to confidence. as we all know, women are the most insecure beings on the planet. we pick over our hair, we hate our bodies, we think we are insane (we are usually right about this), and we obsess over what everyone else thinks about us. our only source of confidence comes when we find something that sedates us enough to slow down our obsession over our appearances. but whatever sedative we take in has to be tame enough to not lower our sensations to the point of actually passing out.

so what is that happy medium?

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beer of course! it gets you a nice buzz without making you fall out sloppy drunk. it is easily and cheaply aquired and normally in great supply at any college campus shindig. and if you are from the midwest, you have been downed enough football Sunday sips of the stuff since age 6 to make you well aquainted with the admittedly harsh taste.

the result is a girl that no longer wonders if she is hot. she KNOWS she is hot. and she can dance. and she is also really think, has epic tits, and a pussy that is as wet as the night is long. plus she gives the absolute best head. don’t believe her? tell her so. trust me, she’ll be more than happy to prove you wrong in some sketchy ass corner of a frat house. once that beer has her ego going, her only mission in life is to conquer men with her new-found enthusiasm for her raging sexual prowess.

now while all of this is an incredible endorsement of why all you teenagers out there should definately enroll in college when you turn 18, you should also know that this pussy comes with a price. more or less the fee is the gamble you take by sticking your dick in some drunk caucasoid punnany. well actually, less this turn into a race issue, let’s focus on the drunk aspect. if the bitch is drunk, and you are too, then it is pretty safe to say that condoms will not be invited to the fuck party once your dick realizes it is about to get some. while most guys would like to believe that they are responsible enough to strap up before diving into some frat-party pussy, we all know that isn’t the case. one look at the STD rates on the average American college campus tells us that not nearly enough of you are rubber fanatics.

case in point, none of you men out there seem to remember to put on a condom before you get head from a random skank. if you were able to get this girl to give you head at a party, you can pretty much be sure that she has done this before.. and most likely done this MANY times before. think of how many dicks have touched this girl’s lips before she wrapped them around your cock. think of how many blow jobs she prolly handed out that night alone! yeah so what, you didn’t kiss her, but poor ole johnson sure as fuck did! and then you are gonna go and fuck your girlfriend with that thing? for shame!

i am not saying don’t hook up with random drunk women. i am not trying to ruin anyone’s fun here. if the pussy is there and you are desperate enough that you need to bang a chick while she is on the verge of vomiting, then by all means fuck her until cum shoots out of her nose! just please, please, please, for the sake of all the future women that you may actually want to fuck raw, WRAP IT UP!

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