i went to the University of Michigan during those God damn affirmative action trials from 1999 until 2003. this was a truly wicked time to be on campus. racial tenions were, well, tense. because of the petitions, constant demonstrations, and endless media attention on the issue, us black students were constantly on guard against verbal attacks from our insensitive white peers.

of course not everyone on the campus was anti-affirmative action (and not every black student was pro-affirmative action), but when you are the only black student in a class full of hostile white kids who think you are to blame because their cousins’ application was rejected, you really start to feel like everyone on campus is against you.

the worst part about the whole issue was that most of the white students had had very little contact with any black people in their lives. their only perception of us was some uneducated and undeserving thug that jumped straight from the welfare line and into their freshmen literature class. they would talk down to you in class, refuse to work in a group with you when asked, re-word your responses during class discusions as if you had never spoken at all, and assume that everytime you speak, you are speaking for your entire race.

the shit can really tax on you over the course of four years. you start to resent everyone around you. you have to hold back your anger in order to avoid confirming stereotypes. you get tired of arguing in EVERY class you go to (i once actually got into a heated debate about welfare in my Spanish class.. the entire argument was spoken in Spanish!! i am talking circles around these white kids in a different language and yet they STILL insist that somehow i am intellectually inferior and prone to poverty and laziness on the basis of my race alone!! wtf??).

one confrontation stands out in my mind as it involved the use of that sneaky little word, “Nigger”.

…

the class was American literature and race was on everyone’s mind. first we had read a slave narrative about a black African prince named Equiano who had some serious identity issues and ended up marrying a white woman. after much debate over whether or not this character was racist or self-hating or justified in feeling inferior (wtf?!), we started reading that classic tale of a little boy named Huckleberry Finn. for those of you who have no clue what this book is about, there is this little white boy from the pre-civil war American south that befriends a black slave named Jim. now because of the time period of the story, everyone in the book throws around the word “Nigger” like it ain’t shit. “Jim is my nigger and you can’t take him from me!” “Hey Nigger, you forgot to shut the door!” “Wow, look at that nigger run!” and so forth. as a result, this book has become highly controversial by people who don’t appreciate the moment in American history that it captures. (whether or not the book should be burned is an entirely different argument which we’ll leave alone!)

anyway, the most common issue on the collegiate level is whether or not students should read the word “nigger” outloud when reading passages from this particular book in class. now, i have no clue how they handle this problem when there are no black students in the class (which commonly happens at UofM), but in our case, there were an unsual number of black students in this particular section of American lit. usually at UofM you are lucky if there is one other minority in your class, let alone another black kid. in this class we were lucky enough to have five! four girls, and one guy (who was absent that day).

so imagine four black girls in a class of about 35 students, mostly white, having to hear their peers read the word nigger over and over and over again like it ain’t shit. they keep dropping the word, each instance making us cringe, until finally one of my black peers has had enough and says, “the ‘N’ word really makes me uncomfortable when it’s said aloud. i understand you guys are using it in context, but can we just all agree not to say it in class?”

seems like a reasonable enough request, right? WRONG. one white student prompty responds, “i dont understand why the word ‘nigger’ makes all of you uncomfortable.[notice how one opinion is immediately applied to ALL of us black students!!] the characters say ‘nigger’ so it is fine if we read it. it’s just a word. it isn’t as if i am calling YOU a nigger. you really have no right to be offended.”

at this point, the mood shifts. there are always times on campus when you are not sure if people are really that stupid, or if they are just trying to play you like you’re the stupid one. the line is always blurred but at this one moment it was crystal clear. first your face gets hot and your throat gets tight. you aren’t scared. oh no, you haven’t been scared since your freshman year. now every single day you only know anger and right about now you are mad as all fuckin get out! you are looking at all those white faces taunting you, daring you to explode, daring you to show them some of that “black attitude.” you want to stab everyone in the eye with a pencil and bash their heads against their desks. but somehow, you maintain restraint…

the first black girl spoke up again. “i’m sorry, let me rephrase that. i’m not asking. i am telling you now: that word offends me and do not use it around me again.”

instantly, another white student chimed in, “slavery ended a long time ago. no one in here has ever owned a slave or even been a slave. none of our parents did either! reading ‘nigger’ out of a book is no different than reading ’slave master’ so i really don’t see what the problem is!” a chorus of voices all said “yeah, that is just stupid” and “i don’t understand that either” as all their heads bobbed in agreement.

i speak up now, trying not to yell. “this has nothing to do with slavery. everyone in this room knows that word has had a life way beyond slavery so please do not try to turn this into a historical issue. its a personal feeling and i agree with her. i don’t want that word used either.”

the other black students voice quick and curt aggreement and we are met with an even heavier onslaught, this time even from the professor! “there is no need to take offense. what you need to recognize is that when the people in this book call Jim a ‘nigger,’ they don’t mean it as an insult. it is simply a descriptive label to them just like anything else. in this book, ‘nigger’ symbolizes–”

professor never gets to finisht the thought. a normally quiet black girl stands up and shouts in a booming voice over everyone,

“who do you think you are? Who are you to tell me when and when not to be offended? you’ve never been called a nigger before! You aren’t black, you’ve never been black, and you never WILL BE black so dont you ever in your LIFE try to tell ME what I, as a black woman, should be offended by!”

the room falls dead silent. the professor looks like she wants to hide under her desk. finally, one Jewish student speaks up. “i agree. no one in this room has any right to tell someone how a word makes them feel. while we’re all banning words, i don’t want to hear ‘kike’ come out of anyone’s mouth.”

no one used any racial slurs again for the rest of the semester, even when they were in print.

even though we technically won, i still left class that angry and frustrated. i was mad at Mark Twain for writing that book, mad at the professor for selecting it, but even more mad at every single rap artist that chose to use the big fat ‘N’ word over and over and over again until every white teen in America became de-sensitized to it. no matter how wrong those asshole kids were for tossing it around in class that day, deep down i can’t help but feel like we as a people made it too easy for them.

“Nigger” is a word that needs to be terminated, and black people need to step up shoot the first bullet.

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