dammit, let’s talk about it.  are you sick of bein’ worried about when your girl is gonna bust in on a you when you’re getting a nice whack on?  never fear, your boy is hear to shed the light & offer my assistance with "Jerk Off Scheduling".  we all need to jerkoff as men… i mean, you are probably here because you just happened to run across this oh so interesting blog while browsing porn sites.  why do we browse porn sites?  its because we want to find something that gets us hot enough to whip out the man meat & rub one out, right?  no need to answer… i know some of you feel uncomfortable about this but just relax, read on & heed this brief, but helpful advice:

1st & foremost, this only applies to you cats who do NOT have an open, honest relationship with your wives & feel the need to hide your masturbation activities from her.  many wives will get into her husbands masturbation so think about how she is before proceeding to covertly bang your chalupa.  if she ain’t with it & you know it, don’t waste your time.  your first step?  discover your wifey’s habits.  some of you cats probably do your jerking off when your wifey is in the house.  that’s cool but you are at the highest for being caught.  you have to be the most intelligent & cunning of the wang bangers.  try to find other times as well…

1) know exactly what gets you off & how long its going to take… this way, you can schedule a quick jerk if necessary like say… if she takes a bath.  if you know she stays in there for 20 minutes, restrict your session to 15 minutes for good measure….
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2) get as much info from wifey as possible about her moves when she leaves the house so will know how much time you have & don’t get caught with your dick in your hand… you never want to have to snatch up your pants or do some "cover your dick" move when she walks in cuz that just makes you look guilty

3) be sure not to leave evidence.  how does it look if you’ve got a big ass cum stain in the area where you’ve been workin’ it out?  its pretty nasty & its the forensic evidence your judgemental, close-minded wifey needs to convict you and mr johnson of pleasure without her presence & sentence you to banishment from her twat for an indefinite period of time

4) allow enough time for dick softening after the deed.  our dicks have a tendency to get soft & hard spontaneously yeah, but your wifey will notice if she sees your walking around with a oak-wood hard on after you finish peepin a few hot clips from ballhoneys.com.  know how long & what exactly you have to do to get your dick soft as quickly as possible!

5) be patient & save up for the payoff.  most importantly, don’t be so hot about getting that nice, relaxing wank.  if you know yer wifey goes grocey shopping on tuesday & that’s your only free time away from her prying eyes & soft footsteps, go ahead & download your needs when browsing the net (or whatever you use) & save them in a hidden place on your hard drive to enjoy for your special private time…..

there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to strokin’ yer haboken, BUT i understand that not all wifey’s are UNDERSTANDING of your predicament.  you were born with a dick and she wasn’t.  women will NEVER get it.  just because we jerk off doesn’t mean we don’t want to fuck & enjoy sex with our significant others.  it’s not about "getting enough" & often your wifey will think your getting off alone means you WANT to get off with without HER.  which is true - to an extent.  when you are with her, you enjoy sex with her… when you are whackin off, you enjoy the feeling you get that & those are 2 separate things.  one doesn’t affect the other.

if you DO get caught… you need to communicate that with your wifey & do your best to make her understand.  let her know its a personal release thing & you’d like to share it with her but if she isn’t comfortable doing that, its really no problem.  do your best to be discreet about it & if she knows what you are up to & walks in… there’s no problem, no suspensions from the pussy.  my favorite site to squeeze one off?  assparade.com & my own shit @ damnq.com (once you get inside, you will not believe how much shit i give you access to… the newsgroups are the shit!).  happy chicken choking!

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